I don't currently have a TV License.
There I said it. Arrest me.
Or don't, I'm still not entirely sure on my legal state here...
I don't have a TV.
Ah... (They would say) But you have a computer that is capable of watching Broadcast channels...
But it isn't (I would reply).. this G5 PPC Mac is so old it can barely handle Youtube, let alone streaming services... even 'Flash Player' has abandoned it, and you'd think that would be a bit more understanding since it is currently having more backs turned on it than one of Sir Mix-a-lot's 'Special' dreams...
Ah... (They would continue, rifling through my pockets).. but you have a smart phone... that is capable...
But It doesn't... I haven't asked it too.. (I would insist)... and unless one of these 'Google' apps has become sentient and is now watching TV to alleviate the boredom of my mundane search history then it certainly isn't...
But it COULD (They would harangue)
But I DON'T FUCKING FUCKING FUCKING FUCKING WATCH TV... (I would weepcryshriek)
So I'm not sure on the legality, and I'm loathe to ask in case they decided that just being aware that my phone can feasibly pick up a TV streaming site is enough to prove capability...
When I moved into this tiny flat I was mildly dismayed that there was no room for a TV. But having only watched it for a few days whilst visiting my parents I realise I don't miss it that much anyway. It would be nice to have something to play the new GTA game on, but I barely get enough time to sleep at the moment.. and besides, I always lived in shared houses and would let my housemates do the actual mission in order to unlock the good stuff.. (I wonder if you can hire a kid to do that)
Of course TV is a good way of taking the pulse of the country, it can still throw up the occasional shared experience and there is the very occasional program that I just can't wait for a DVD release.. but this is all rarity now. I can take the pulse on Twitter without every having to dirty my eyes with the Xfactor or be bored by a long empty shot of the doors to a place a Royal might come out of with a baby... and of course I can watch the inevitable poorly transcoded Youtube rip while I wait for my DVD to be delivered, whilst having the additional fun of quietly seething at the douchebag who decided to watermark somebody elses work with their Youtube 'Handle' whilst insisting in the description that: 'No Copywrite infringement is intended'
And the shared experience? Well.. they are now few and far between. We don't all watch TV shows at the same time. We can catch up, or iplayer.. or use our built in hard drive things... I remember when it was a fairly common thing to overhear "I'm going home.. I don't want to miss 'X'" (Not with my friends obviously.. we were all too 'Cool' for such things... we had VHS recorders and we knew how to use them).
Now you only get that with kind of schedule necessity with sporting events, which fortunately I don't like very much, or shows that are particularly susceptible to 'Spoilers', which again, doesn't really effect me as I can't devote enough time to the sweeping HBO style drama this generally applies too.. Yes... even Breaking Bad*
(*Ok Ok, I know it's great, it's amazing, it's better than oral sex from an angel with a tongue made of silk etc etc... I bought it for my Dad on DVD and the twenty minute chunks I've seen are great, but I can't commit to their mammoth seasons... I just can't. I need to sleep sometimes. Please don't kill me everyone else in the Western Hemisphere)
At this point I have to make clear that I don't begrudge the BBC the License fee, in fact, this is the only thing that is in any way enticing about paying up. I'd love to go to a few righty-bloggers/Twitterbrains and say: Oh yeah, I love the Beeb so much I pay a license for a TV I don't have.. just in the hope that they broadcast some lesbian union atheist propaganda ballet-mime whilst I polish my bust of Trotsky and sing the Internationale...
I bloody love the Beeb, ever since I first saw Monty Python as a young child and saw it poking fun at itself. I love it because it's big and it's stuffy and it's unabashed about wanting to educate as well as entertain. I like that it doesn't have to pander to advertisers. Not that all adverts are bad, but imagine if programming was entirely in the hands of an industry that can try and sell Lynx to virgins by reversing it's effects, attracting the female human instead of catapulting them away at high speed.
The last thing I would want anyone to assume is that I didn't want to pay in order to make some petty attack on something I love... I so unabashedly adore.
No, the real reason I don't want to buy one is really very simple, I'm enjoying not watching TV, and I'm worried that if I buy one I'll probably feel compelled to watch it in order make it 'Worth My While'...
...and then I might end up watching Keith Lemon's Through The Keyhole.
...and then something very bad might happen.
There I said it. Arrest me.
Or don't, I'm still not entirely sure on my legal state here...
I don't have a TV.
Ah... (They would say) But you have a computer that is capable of watching Broadcast channels...
But it isn't (I would reply).. this G5 PPC Mac is so old it can barely handle Youtube, let alone streaming services... even 'Flash Player' has abandoned it, and you'd think that would be a bit more understanding since it is currently having more backs turned on it than one of Sir Mix-a-lot's 'Special' dreams...
Ah... (They would continue, rifling through my pockets).. but you have a smart phone... that is capable...
But It doesn't... I haven't asked it too.. (I would insist)... and unless one of these 'Google' apps has become sentient and is now watching TV to alleviate the boredom of my mundane search history then it certainly isn't...
But it COULD (They would harangue)
But I DON'T FUCKING FUCKING FUCKING FUCKING WATCH TV... (I would weepcryshriek)
So I'm not sure on the legality, and I'm loathe to ask in case they decided that just being aware that my phone can feasibly pick up a TV streaming site is enough to prove capability...
When I moved into this tiny flat I was mildly dismayed that there was no room for a TV. But having only watched it for a few days whilst visiting my parents I realise I don't miss it that much anyway. It would be nice to have something to play the new GTA game on, but I barely get enough time to sleep at the moment.. and besides, I always lived in shared houses and would let my housemates do the actual mission in order to unlock the good stuff.. (I wonder if you can hire a kid to do that)
Of course TV is a good way of taking the pulse of the country, it can still throw up the occasional shared experience and there is the very occasional program that I just can't wait for a DVD release.. but this is all rarity now. I can take the pulse on Twitter without every having to dirty my eyes with the Xfactor or be bored by a long empty shot of the doors to a place a Royal might come out of with a baby... and of course I can watch the inevitable poorly transcoded Youtube rip while I wait for my DVD to be delivered, whilst having the additional fun of quietly seething at the douchebag who decided to watermark somebody elses work with their Youtube 'Handle' whilst insisting in the description that: 'No Copywrite infringement is intended'
And the shared experience? Well.. they are now few and far between. We don't all watch TV shows at the same time. We can catch up, or iplayer.. or use our built in hard drive things... I remember when it was a fairly common thing to overhear "I'm going home.. I don't want to miss 'X'" (Not with my friends obviously.. we were all too 'Cool' for such things... we had VHS recorders and we knew how to use them).
Now you only get that with kind of schedule necessity with sporting events, which fortunately I don't like very much, or shows that are particularly susceptible to 'Spoilers', which again, doesn't really effect me as I can't devote enough time to the sweeping HBO style drama this generally applies too.. Yes... even Breaking Bad*
(*Ok Ok, I know it's great, it's amazing, it's better than oral sex from an angel with a tongue made of silk etc etc... I bought it for my Dad on DVD and the twenty minute chunks I've seen are great, but I can't commit to their mammoth seasons... I just can't. I need to sleep sometimes. Please don't kill me everyone else in the Western Hemisphere)
At this point I have to make clear that I don't begrudge the BBC the License fee, in fact, this is the only thing that is in any way enticing about paying up. I'd love to go to a few righty-bloggers/Twitterbrains and say: Oh yeah, I love the Beeb so much I pay a license for a TV I don't have.. just in the hope that they broadcast some lesbian union atheist propaganda ballet-mime whilst I polish my bust of Trotsky and sing the Internationale...
I bloody love the Beeb, ever since I first saw Monty Python as a young child and saw it poking fun at itself. I love it because it's big and it's stuffy and it's unabashed about wanting to educate as well as entertain. I like that it doesn't have to pander to advertisers. Not that all adverts are bad, but imagine if programming was entirely in the hands of an industry that can try and sell Lynx to virgins by reversing it's effects, attracting the female human instead of catapulting them away at high speed.
The last thing I would want anyone to assume is that I didn't want to pay in order to make some petty attack on something I love... I so unabashedly adore.
No, the real reason I don't want to buy one is really very simple, I'm enjoying not watching TV, and I'm worried that if I buy one I'll probably feel compelled to watch it in order make it 'Worth My While'...
...and then I might end up watching Keith Lemon's Through The Keyhole.
...and then something very bad might happen.
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