Picture the scene.
You have to travel somewhere.
The trek may be difficult, but it is possible.
You come to a station, there are two choices of transport.
Would you go for:
1) 'The beautiful people of your Gender preference who just happen to have no sexual inhibitions and pockets full of cash and non-fattening chocolate... oh and there are Unicorns as well, and REAL transformers... and your very favourite food and drinks are provided and Kurt Cobain and John Lennon are alive and Jamming with Keith Moon and Jimmy Hendrix on the back seat' Bus Company?
or
2) 'The Seats are made of vinegar and barbed wire, and drills and things, oh and they're all rusty, the driver is a blind lunatic with chronic spasm syndrome and every five minutes a concentrated stream of sewage is jetted into your eyes, ears, nose and mouth, at least until we plunge off a cliff and into a slowly closing scrap-crusher' Bus Company?
Seems obvious doesn't it?
Ok, now imagine you're Ed Miliband...
Right, now after you've come back to your senses and towelled off the horror sweat I'll explain.
Today Ed had a choice of two bandwagons.
The first was rolling along nicely. PM D-Cam had condemned Jimmy Carr's legal tax avoidance strategy, but ignored the Gary Barlow (And God Knows how many others, and since he never existed he isn't telling) Open net there surely? It's an uncomfortable one for Cameron, tax avoidance/evasion. I mean, I bet with some digging plenty of donors and pals of the PM could be implicated in this sort of scheme, if not the PM himself. Combine that with the perceived 'Singling out' by the PM of Carr, which probably has nothing to do with his jokes... But could look like it does.
So does Ed come out swinging on this today? Does he leap on this rocket powered, chrome plated, bandwagon and ride it straight down D-Cam's throat, through his insides and out to electoral glory, shaming all tax avoiders into paying up, saving the U.K economy and perhaps causing England to win 'That Football' and saving us from hostile aliens who like Fruit Pastels with the face of Jimmy Saville?
Well... No.
Instead, he decided to drag a Bandwagon out of a sewer. Nobody is using it at the moment. And the wheels are broken. And the seats are all Razor blades.
This Bandwagon is called. 'Migrants dun it' and for some reason this is the one he decided to ride today, and instead of going down D-Cams throat he went straight up Nick Griffen's flabby, racist arse...
What?
Don't you want to win Ed?
Lots of people are working hard on your side and this is how you thank them? Not to mention the Government themselves, who appear to be doing the best to get you in... Maybe it's a Bullingdon bet or something... A forfeit for not getting your round of Prozzies in after the Swan's blood.
Look at Twitter Ed, look at the Tories now revelling in their chance to look 'Not Racist'... See how many loyal Labourites are trying to contextualise your words, not only to make you appear less like a closet 'Mailer', but also to shield you from your own, (Seemingly obvious to all observers) lack of strategy. It isn't the speech itself that is the problem, as it appears to be fairly thoughtful, it is the perception of the speech, but far worse it's your choice of battles.
Today, you look like a thoughtless rookie at the absolute best. A racist at worst... And from worst to best you almost certainly come across as 'a bit of a bellend'.
Unless of course this is a 'Plan' and Labour has their own Tax Rats about to stream out of the woodwork and this is your own version of a 'distraction'.
If that is the plan, look at D-Cam for guidance... The 'master' of such puppetry, trained under the ultimate Dark Lord Blair... He'd never sacrifice the queen to save a pawn.
The lesson here is simple. No matter how distracting you need to be, never dress the leader up as Hitler. He'll just end up looking a Twat.
You have to travel somewhere.
The trek may be difficult, but it is possible.
You come to a station, there are two choices of transport.
Would you go for:
1) 'The beautiful people of your Gender preference who just happen to have no sexual inhibitions and pockets full of cash and non-fattening chocolate... oh and there are Unicorns as well, and REAL transformers... and your very favourite food and drinks are provided and Kurt Cobain and John Lennon are alive and Jamming with Keith Moon and Jimmy Hendrix on the back seat' Bus Company?
or
2) 'The Seats are made of vinegar and barbed wire, and drills and things, oh and they're all rusty, the driver is a blind lunatic with chronic spasm syndrome and every five minutes a concentrated stream of sewage is jetted into your eyes, ears, nose and mouth, at least until we plunge off a cliff and into a slowly closing scrap-crusher' Bus Company?
Seems obvious doesn't it?
Ok, now imagine you're Ed Miliband...
Right, now after you've come back to your senses and towelled off the horror sweat I'll explain.
Today Ed had a choice of two bandwagons.
The first was rolling along nicely. PM D-Cam had condemned Jimmy Carr's legal tax avoidance strategy, but ignored the Gary Barlow (And God Knows how many others, and since he never existed he isn't telling) Open net there surely? It's an uncomfortable one for Cameron, tax avoidance/evasion. I mean, I bet with some digging plenty of donors and pals of the PM could be implicated in this sort of scheme, if not the PM himself. Combine that with the perceived 'Singling out' by the PM of Carr, which probably has nothing to do with his jokes... But could look like it does.
So does Ed come out swinging on this today? Does he leap on this rocket powered, chrome plated, bandwagon and ride it straight down D-Cam's throat, through his insides and out to electoral glory, shaming all tax avoiders into paying up, saving the U.K economy and perhaps causing England to win 'That Football' and saving us from hostile aliens who like Fruit Pastels with the face of Jimmy Saville?
Well... No.
Instead, he decided to drag a Bandwagon out of a sewer. Nobody is using it at the moment. And the wheels are broken. And the seats are all Razor blades.
This Bandwagon is called. 'Migrants dun it' and for some reason this is the one he decided to ride today, and instead of going down D-Cams throat he went straight up Nick Griffen's flabby, racist arse...
What?
Don't you want to win Ed?
Lots of people are working hard on your side and this is how you thank them? Not to mention the Government themselves, who appear to be doing the best to get you in... Maybe it's a Bullingdon bet or something... A forfeit for not getting your round of Prozzies in after the Swan's blood.
Look at Twitter Ed, look at the Tories now revelling in their chance to look 'Not Racist'... See how many loyal Labourites are trying to contextualise your words, not only to make you appear less like a closet 'Mailer', but also to shield you from your own, (Seemingly obvious to all observers) lack of strategy. It isn't the speech itself that is the problem, as it appears to be fairly thoughtful, it is the perception of the speech, but far worse it's your choice of battles.
Today, you look like a thoughtless rookie at the absolute best. A racist at worst... And from worst to best you almost certainly come across as 'a bit of a bellend'.
Unless of course this is a 'Plan' and Labour has their own Tax Rats about to stream out of the woodwork and this is your own version of a 'distraction'.
If that is the plan, look at D-Cam for guidance... The 'master' of such puppetry, trained under the ultimate Dark Lord Blair... He'd never sacrifice the queen to save a pawn.
The lesson here is simple. No matter how distracting you need to be, never dress the leader up as Hitler. He'll just end up looking a Twat.
