Today, that bastion of inestimable print jornalism, The Sun decided to bravely print pictures of a naked Prince Harry, caught in the act of 'Having Fun' in a vegas Hotel Room...
Some quarters are up in arms about this... it's all: "Post-Leveson" and "Intrusion" and "Blee" and "Blah"
Others are ecstatic about this... it's all "Post-Leveson" and "Press Freedom" and "Blee" and "Blah"
Anyone insane enough to have read this blog before might expect me to take the side of one particular set of Blee Blahs on this, and they'd have a point... I've never been shy in stating that print press is a running sore, and quite a dangerous one, spewing feculent puss into the trusting eyes of it's readers, and permanently warping the way they see the world...
I've never entirely bought that whole, 'we just hold a mirror up to the world' schtick...and the phrase that I am most proud of, as a writer, is the description of newspapers as 'Wanky Opinion Comics'... so I would scarcely call myself 'unbiased'...
Some quarters are up in arms about this... it's all: "Post-Leveson" and "Intrusion" and "Blee" and "Blah"
Others are ecstatic about this... it's all "Post-Leveson" and "Press Freedom" and "Blee" and "Blah"
Anyone insane enough to have read this blog before might expect me to take the side of one particular set of Blee Blahs on this, and they'd have a point... I've never been shy in stating that print press is a running sore, and quite a dangerous one, spewing feculent puss into the trusting eyes of it's readers, and permanently warping the way they see the world...
I've never entirely bought that whole, 'we just hold a mirror up to the world' schtick...and the phrase that I am most proud of, as a writer, is the description of newspapers as 'Wanky Opinion Comics'... so I would scarcely call myself 'unbiased'...
(oh and I know this Blog is all opinion... that's why I put it in the title line... I also know that it's more than a little bit 'wanky'... but I never claim moral authority, and the only thing I hold a mirror up to is my own ravaged visage and then only briefly, before dropping it and shrieking...)
Anyway... although I don't 'like' the Sun in general and don't think they should have 'dun' it, it isn't for the usual "Oooh, Tabloids are Icky" reasons... in fact it's quite sympathetic... and I'd like to offer them some tactical advice... but in a nod to narrative convention I shall leave that to the end, hopefully forming some sort of conclusion that will make you nod to yourself in the cafe, take a sip of your 'victory' coffee and tearfully think to yourself 'I Love new Media'
So, perhaps as word padding, here are some of the reasons against publishing the pictures that I don't agree with/care a row of buttons about.
1) Intrusion.
I think it's fair to say that the 'intrusion' ship has sailed... thoroughly... in fact this ship has sailed, arrived, docked, been decommisioned and replaced by an airline service. That airline service is called 'The Internet' and it was airdropping these pictures whilst it's rival was still loading up the 'Limes for Scurvy'
This isn't a tabloid buying gutter pics of gussets, or doorstopping some poor unfortunate caught up in a celebrity affair, or even showing an 'evil' picture of someone accused of an atrocity, but who may well be innocent.. No... this is someone, allowed into the inner sanctum, armed with one of those 'oh-so-rare' camera phones the kids have these days... whether they were 'leaked innocently' or not, it still has more in common with a misjudged Facebook Pic going viral than a guy dressing as a comedy arab billionaire for stings.
No, the intrusion was that douche who brought the camera, and then let then pics onto the internet.... the currant Bun simply doesn't have the readership to beat it...
2) Respect for the Royals.
This... well I couldn't care less about respecting them. That's the Sun's job... I have nothing against them particularly, for the most part I don't consider them at all, until the media force them down our throat or someone uses 'Royal Assent' to ease us into a war. I find them a vaguely amusing tradition, quaint little set dressing that looks good on the periphery of things like... say, the Olympic ceremony... or that Jubilee thing... imagine that without royals... just a bunch of soggy boats and Paul McCartney singing Hey Jude... to himself... that would just be upsetting
The Sun seems to veer wildly in it's opinion, from serf-like deference, usually when some Johnny Foreigner makes some small faux pas against the myriad inexplicable social rules that surround them, all the way through to disdain for minor royals who dare to prefer theatre to war... (which, with a Patriarch like Phillip is probably the braver decision)... all this via a pervish voyeurism, particularly if they are lucky enough to have some fresh, human DNA stirred into them and are thus 'attractive'...
So... I respect them to a point... but not as far as worrying about these pics... He looks quite good in them, fairly 'fit' and clearly enjoying himself... he is also clearly 'not a Lizard'... sorry Icke, no zipper down his back... fair play to the girls as well... he's a catch... nobody really comes off badly... except the douche who brought the camera and let the public into a bit of private sexy horseplay. The Douche..
The Royals just come across as a bit more fun... and therefore put off their inevitable binning for a few more years.
3) Questions of Public 'Decency'
Don't make me laugh... The posed mock up that they'd already printed trumps that thoroughly. Wealthy socialites being candid snapped is one thing, getting a 21 year old female intern to get her kit off batters that in the indecent stakes...
If there's a bare 19 year old pontifacating on the day's most intellectual stories on the third page, then the naked man ass on the other pages will do little damage to the moral fibre of the readership... in fact it might strike some necessary balance...
So what is my problem with this move?
Well, this may sound strange, but I thought the adversary more worthy than this... It seems like the move of a weak king, dressed up as a show of strength...
Ok... it's being pitched as a two fingers to Leveson... people in the News Int camp are saying this is the newsman taking back the news from the judiciary... it's bold... it's brave... it's the press rising from the ashes...
But of course it isn't... if they'd published on Wednesday that might be true, but now... too late. You aren't the brave boy who swaggered past teacher early on the last day of school, you're the ninth... and you're muttering 'But he did it first sir' as you display this defiance...
This is so disappointing to me. I like the Sun to know how strong it is... simply because it still fucking is... it is stronger than a gossip blog, or some little website... but it lets then take the flack and then claim that it's leading the charge...
Now... for me, they should have just styled it out... tried taking the moral high ground... say it isn't news anymore... because it isn't... it was on Wednesday... and quite frankly, in the position that all Print Media is in, I wouldn't be trying to emphasise how much braver, faster and more plugged in the online media is...
No... I'd be leaving that sort of bobbins to the anarchic world of the blogger and empasising all the advantages of print... whatever they may be... I just know that it isn't speed or bravery...
If you're admitting that a nerd in their bedroom, in baggy pants with food stains, can best your media empire... well, you start to look like an endangered species, a big lumbering thing... close to death and wheezing...
...and print media isn't there...
Well... not quite yet.
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