Opinion: David Cameron... Not really a Lizard.. It was a trick!

Yesterday Nicola Adams made History by being the first British Olympic Boxing Champion in the Women's event.

It was an amazing display of athleticism and will. She is a sporting Legend

Everybody watched it. Everybody enjoyed.

David Cameron was watching it. He tweeted a picture on the official Number 10 Feed.

Bless him. Even if it wasn't staged... Well... It definitely looked that way... and it was. I mean... Did he set it on a Timer and prop it up behind the kettle? Nope.

Photoshop/Visual Humour  GOD Beau B'Dor  kicked it off. I won't put his here. Suffice to say they are amazing.... and they would make mine look the amateur hour quick and dirties they are... 

But, I thought, This could be fun. So... Presented below are my contributions to this fledgling meme:

 Dunno what the fuss is about... he looks totally natural here...

David Cameron watching something to remind him of happier times..

Come on.. That Picture was BEGGING for it... I mean... Look at it.

Now... I don't think Cameron is literally a Lizard man... That is far too tin foil hat, even for me... But Come on... it looks funny... he looks like a Lizard. Like in V... or in David Icke's head... so it went down ok, and yeah... a few people passed it around. I got R.T's and even a few utterly uncredited prints of it on 'News Blogs'...  Hence I record it here, under my name.... It's a joke... a silly joke.

But The picture below that. David Cameron watching Boris Floundering in a River... Well that one didn't go down as well.. in fact it sank with no trace... Pity really, because with the time he's having with Boris recently... well, I imagine he would greatly enjoy watching the great White-Maned Woolly Wonder bobbing off down a river... smiling at the thought that, this time, he might finally be gone forever...

Anti-Viral: Dumb-ass Nostalgia Posts... or 'Hit like if you also used to Put your face in a bucket of wasps, broken glass and Sulphuric Acid'

Hello...
Welcome to the first in an irregular series in which I, your splenetic and bilesome narrator, attempt to hook, land and gut the most nauseating memes that float past my beady eye...

First up... Those 'wasn't the time of MY childhood great' messages that Facebook vomits periodically into my timeline once or twice a week...

They are usually put there by people who haven't bothered reading them to the end... I don't blame them... Aside from a sentimentality that is so cloying that even a scouse Peter Kay fan might regard them as a 'bit too Mawkish', they then throw in a weird 'Daily Mail' style 'Cor Blimey that safety thing is a bit Silly isn't it?' attitude to further lose any touch with reality..

If you're on a social network, you will have seen a variation of this meme. They usually turn up with half a million 'likes' and a closing line that says something like:
'Share if you drank from the garden Hose and survived'
'Hit like if you went hungry for refusing your Mom's food'
'Hit like and share if you think that progress and increased wellbeing is shit and you would actually rather time go backwards to a fantasy, 'Lord of the Rings' when you could juggle chainsaws on a bike without a helmet down an unlit road with no phone or medicine without the PC brigade jumping on your back'*
(*well... that's the Subtext anyway)

That in mind I wrote this and sent it into the world...

"My Curfew was when it got dark, even though I had no idea what the word 'Curfew' meant and the fact that 'When it gets Dark' changes year round, meaning it was often grossly unfair and arbitrary. 

When it was time to come in I had to go immediately and if it was late I would worry my Mum, because there was no easily obtainable, portable, communication device that could have allayed her fears... and when we were chased by what used to be called a 'stranger' (statistically, a more common occurrence then than today) there was no way to get help other than screaming for it through a haze of tears and snot.

Infant mortality, abductions and violent crime were higher, but there was no liquid soap.. so that was better... right?

Oh and although you could get your mouth washed out with soap for being 'cheeky', you probably wouldn't for being Racist, Sexist or Homophobic, because that was the staple of 'Entertainment' shows and was thus Okey-Dokey-Fine. 

Yes, I rode a bike without a helmet, and the two times I crashed it it was dumb, blind luck that saved me from death and not well-made safety equipment.

Getting Dirty was ok, but due to the less advanced washing machines/detergents of the time, getting your clothes dirty was not... oh and incidents of filicide through 'Zealous Discipline' were also far far more common...

Click Like if You too have a deluded and vaguely sinister attachment to a period in history, insisting it is somehow 'better' just because it was when you were young!"

I'm guessing my half a million likes and shares are stuck in an internet pipe somewhere. I can wait...

Do I have a point or am I just being a sarky clever clogs?

Well...a little from column A, little from Column B...

I am a sarky clever clogs, but my point is... Things are getting better, both in this country and across the globe. Crime is going down, diseases have better survival rates, base level of poverty is nowhere near the level of even twenty years ago... that isn't to say there isn't more to be done, just that you can only do that by looking forward... the good things in the past are already being built on, that is what progress is....

Part of that progress is an increased awareness of the need for Safety controls for workers... Now, many will confuse this with spurious liitigation by ambulance chasing lawyers... but, like the much maligned 'Political Correctness' it is a neccesary framework to establish, even if (like any framework ever) it is sometimes used by unscrupulous dipshits for their own ends, unaware that they are ruining everything for everyone.

To summarise there was never an EU law stating you have to wear goggles to play conkers, just as nobody ever banned Christmas... but there were three maintanance men slowly roasted to death in a belt fed bread oven (over the course of an hour long  cycle) after the correct procedures were not followed in order 'to save Time'...

I remember my childhood... it was bloody ace...
And the past in general... fantastic...
But, If you don't think you are living in the best of all possible times, (excepting that which comes after), you are either: not looking at the evidence or allowing a nostalgia for your own youth to utterly cloud your judgement...

Opinion: Glitter Not on Twitter...

Oh all bow down and praise to the great God, Twitter... Yet again... The Hive Mind has provided...
Right... I was genuinely >< that close to doing a ranty style blog about the 'New' (to me) 'Wrestler Style' introductions to Snooker matches on the television. I soon realised a few things, A) I don't actually care about Snooker enough to raise that much ire and B) This could have been going on for years by now, and since I rarely watch snooker, you could all be battle hardened to it (despite it's near Criminal inappropriateness)

So I begged Twitter for some News... And unlike all other totems of worship she hath provided.

A few days ago, a Twitter account was set up, purporting to be the 'Official Garry Glitter' account. It announced a comeback tour and hinted at 'New Material'. This was of course shocking enough to nearly bring Twitter to it's knees, collapse the internet and perhaps send the world spinning of it's axis to plunge, Space 1999 style, into the depths of the cosmos.

Now, I am proud to say I called spoof immediately (Have to boast about that, as I was taken in by the fake Wendi Deng, and thought the new Nadine Dorries account was a spoof... Although I still believe I am half correct on that and she is a 'Spoof Human')

Today it has been revealed that I was right... Or at least that the account is not real. However instead of saying it's a 'spoof' they are using the word 'social experiment', releasing a statement explaining their actions.

Now there were a few 'tells'. The 'new Material' and Tour stood out. It just didn't wash... When convicted child molesters release 'new materiall they tend to do it in less open ways. Honestly, just look on youtube for Johnathon King's more recent output to see 'how it is done' by such a creature... Oh and prepare to have your jaw dropped through the Earth's crust.

So yeah... A spoof account, albeit linked to a campaign for online safety... So far, so admirable... I do have one reservation, the use of the word 'Experiment'. Maybe this will come out later, but I don't see from the information revealed so far what the experiment actually is.

For me the word 'experiment' has quite a specific meaning, not obviated by the preceeding word 'social'. An experiment 'measures' something, there are controls in place. Maybe he plans a statistical breakdown of supportive/negative tweets. But even then there is nothing to contrast it against.

If I was less forgiving I would call it a specialised 'trolling' campaign, as the public reaction was never in question. The best part of people were always going to be understandably outraged, whilst some people who want to be considered 'Dangerously alternative' (or perhaps also clocked him as a spoof) were 'Supportive'... Maybe some of them just really liked Glam Rock.

So hats off to him for an audacious attempt to raise public awareness of online predators, even if the reveal seemed a bit shrill and sanctimonious. (Having a go at 'edgy' jokes made about your 'spoof' account... Please...)

But until I see some results, results that actually say something, I will not accept the word 'experiment'. It was a campaign to raise awareness of an issue, predetermined by it's creator, it was not an attempt to find out anything new about human behaviour.

(Oh and to clarify for anyone who thinks that just because I am questioning the 'experimental' aspect of this campaign I am somehow pro-Glitter. He's fucking lower than the germs in a syphilitic rat... And his music was always shit.)