This morning the world has awoke to some epoch shattering news.
The Earth shook... Paradigms shifted so much that they twisted together like spaghetti...
All the omens came together at once... Today on the walk to work, I saw a Statue weeping blood, a pigeon sang a Rhianna song, water mysteriously fell from the sky in small droplets... you know... basically we're about a microsecond from armageddon...
The news is.
Kate Middleton has breasts.
Yes... that Royal... she has breasts.
Now calm down everyone... I know... I know.... shocking
So how has this news been 'leaked'... surely the 'establishment' would have suppressed such things... but apparently there was one... just one, courageous photographer... a pap... a gutter-dwelling gusset-snapper... who had the sheer courage to take pictures of these 'breasts', fight off the army of beefeater-ninjas who were guarding her and then escape the area like Jason Fucking Bourne running from an assassination, delivering them to the French magazine 'Closer' who have published them today...
Yep... another nekkid Royal has been caught on camera. This time though I doubt there will be all the worry about 'maturity', 'behaviour' or 'suitability'... this one is more straight forward, long lensing, twattery... the kind that would get the snapper locked up as a massive perve if the subject was one of us plebs... It's just a pity her brother in law wasn't there to throw himself, naked, atop her to shield her modesty... like he was doing with that other nekkid girl... apparently.
I haven't seen these pics... yet. But I guess her boobs are very much like 'boobs'... They don't encrust them with jewels when they become royals do they? Or emblazon them with a family crest, a tattoo of Prince Phillip's face?... They won't be lizard-y... I'm confident of that... Harry's zipper-free man-ass dispelled that myth forever...
They will be boobs. Breasts.
So... what is the public interest?
Obviously the salivating print press pack will be spending most of this morning scrambling to find some kind of justification for publishing them in the U.K, thus making money off what the internet would provide for free
Well, they can't use 'security'... which is their first 'go to' for Royal snaps, and is, at best a pretty tenuous peg on which to hang your press intrusion and even more so since they tried to crowbar it into Harrybumgate*.
(*Yeah... I know appending any news store with the word 'gate' instantly makes you a lazy bellend, but... but come on... Who doesn't want to type 'Bumgate'?)
Yeah... they were snapped on a 'Private' beach... and if the snapper had been a sniper with a missile launcher then blah blah blee blah... yep...
(A few people have pointed out that expecting a beach to be private enough that one of the most famous women in the world can reveal their breasts shows a sense of privilege and entitlement that would even dwarf Kelvin Mackenzie's hypocrisy and Wankstainery)
So... no... it ain't security... you could tell us that security is lax without nipple or ass shots... and the pictures probably compromise security even further...
So... what else?
Well, they can't really do a 'shouldn't they know better' or 'she should have more decorum' bit...
Yeah... maybe it's a little bit daft that she got caught out this way so soon after her brother in law, but daft is all it is... it's not like it was a live fuck show or anything... she wanted to sun herself... it isn't a drunken pool party with socialites. It's peeping Tom stuff... I imagine the snapper to be a real Mouth Breather... and he probably rummaged his pants before, during and after...
So... it ain't 'public interest'... no matter how much you try and dress it up... just isn't folks...
Nope, it's the 'interest of the public'... and the public are interested in tit... simple... we know that... pictures of the chestal areas if ladies are pretty much the scaffold that holds the entire internet together and yes... there are also other, utterly HUGE industries solely devoted to providing such images...
and so... with plenty... (and I cannot emphasise this enough, so I will use capitals) PLENTY of pictures of mammalian glandage available... usually from people who have been paid, or volunteered... why the hell does anybody actually need to steal tits from anyone? Even Royals...
So... it turns out that, Believe it or not...Kate Middleton's breasts are actually less interesting than Harry's ass... ok... that sounds wrong... I mean the story of the pictures of Kate's breasts is less interesting than the Story of Harry's ass pics...
As so... since I haven't seen these Kate pics...I guess I have to now... it's public interest... it's research... it's... it's... it's...
*Rummage*
*Mouth breathe*
*Sink into the deepest pit of human despair*
No comments:
Post a Comment