I like the Olympics...
Yeah yeah... it will cost money... and traffic... and and... and all that whingery bobbins... but the coins are fun... Sport is apparently pretty good for you and the East London skyline is one of the few that might be improved by the addition of missiles...
Yes. It is expensive. But we are a large economy, no matter what certain Austerity fetishists might want us to think in order to force their agenda down our throats like a teeny-tiny, joyless skint-cock...
We probably can afford this... and why shouldn't we? Events like this are 'good'... The Olympics will be like the 'Leveson' of Sport... except with less obvious politically partisan posturing...
(Getting sick of the 'Like a Leveson of...' format jokes yet? I'm not... and it's my blog... so... erm... there...)
What about the transport in London?
Yep... and it usually runs so smooth as well...
Don't worry though... chances are there will be a hidden Champion... a secret Border Force, keeping down the numbers of visitors with extreme prejudice... I speak of the Shock-Troops of LOCOG.
http://t.co/ZCPDpYWn
I read today that The LOCOGATOR has forbidden chips to be sold within the barbed wire of the camp. Chips, it seems, are an infringement of McDonalds absolute right to the digestive tracts of anyone who even wants to think about the Olympics... Apparently they're worried that Chips might be confused with... with whatever those sad little strips of soggy potato starch are...
There is a loophole though... You can sell chips with Fish, but only with fish... So much for the Olympics increasing fitness eh?
So why not just ban any chips try that didn't taste pre-chewed? I imagine that in some shiny office somewhere, a meeting was held where it was decided that even the awesome power of LOCOG-THE-MIGHTY and 'that Clown' couldn't stand in the way of the voracious UK appetite for Fish 'n' Chips... or for that matter Crumpets, Royals and Casual fights with Strangers...
"Let them have their Fish and Chips... but GOD SAVE THEM if they try to separate those components" spake LOCOG of the Planet Buzzkillion.
But how might having an insanely protectionist group of copywrite obsessive's cut down congestion during the Olympics?
Well... why not try walking past LOCOG's heavy machine gun bunkers with a visible Logo? Try and take your seat at the Diving with a tasty Burger King... Try carrying ANYTHING CIRCULAR AT ALL (That may be confused with an Olympic ring) or something that say's '2012' in an unofficial font...
Will they let that slide do you think?
Going to the Games? Make sure you are wearing officially approved underwear... because if your brand haven't dropped a pound in the LOCOG pot... well... without any exaggeration, you would definitely be stripped, the offending pants would be stapled to your chest and you would be publicly beheaded at the closing ceremony...
I bloody love them there Olympics... Human achievement... stretching the individual... an excuse for people to receive Blinged-out Medals without having to earn them in rap battles... what's not to love?
That said, I can't shake off the sneaking hope that 'LOCOG the foul' succeeds in leeching all of the fun out of the event... that way I might be able to just walk straight in to the premier events in my 'Brand Neutral' pants from the market, whilst all the normal people with Logos are dragged, kicking and screaming, off to the Gulag ...
If I'm very lucky they might start imprisoning competitors as well... you know, for looking like they don't eat McDonalds often enough or something... and I can finally achieve the dream of winning an Olympic Gold... in an empty stadium... watched only by Logos... official Logos...
So three Cheers for LOCOG... and Boo to reason and sense and Freedom and anything circular that isn't a ring and anything that uses the digits '2012' without paying and begging and small Business who wanted to not have to change names and etc etc etc
(Incidentally, 'Trip Switch on my buzz machine' is a 'borrowed' joke. A friend told his girlfriend that's what she was... they are no longer together)
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